However for me, my mother really died on July 9th, 1995. You see my mother had a full blown heart attack and died. No one knows how long she went without oxygen. The paramedics decided to try and bring her back. They accomplished this feat...
My mother ended up being in a coma for the next two weeks. The doctors kept telling us that we should disconnect her from the machines. My family, stepfather and 4 other siblings refused to let her go. They laid over her body crying and begging for my mother to come back to them. I had been the only one in the family to say maybe we should tell her it's ok to go. I wanted to desperately tell her it was ok. They all watched me like a hawk never allowing me to be alone with her. I was only there for a week as we live in Maryland and they lived in San Diego, Ca. So I had to go back to Maryland while my mother was still in the coma.
A week later she woke up. Mind you her EEG showed no brain waves, she was suppose to be a vegtable. Well she was a miracle. She was attempting to communicate. My mother for the second time in her life had to relearn how to do everything. The first time a car accident in her 20's did it. She had to relearn how to walk, talk, feed herself, groom herself. Everything that we take for granted she had to learn over again.
I was very happy about her being alive, but the woman before me was not the Mother I had before. She could no longer work, she could no longer be left alone. She had no short term memory. She forgot I was married and had children, at times I felt she forgot me totally. I was 30 years old when that happend. It was like living a daily death with my mother.
Her memory of who was alive and who was gone was compromised. Her own mother had died back in 1990 and after her heart attack she would talk about her mother as if she was still here. The old man felt the need to remind her that she was dead. My mother would relive her own mother's death time and time again. It was very painful to watch. The woman I knew no longer existed and I know in my heart of hearts that my mother would of never wanted to live the way she did for the last 12 years of her life. She finally died from lung cancer as she had smoked since she was 11 years old. Ironically it took her 16 months to leave as she still felt she had to be a mother and take care of her children. In her mind, she was still doing everything that she did prior to her heart attack.
My mother was a vibrant woman. She was a Scot and damn proud of it. She refused to become a citizen. She had a very hearty laugh for a woman that was 5'5" tall and weighed only 115lbs. She had an incredible sense of humor. An incredible work ethic and a very deep love for her family. She was a hard woman at the same time. She grew up without a father the youngest of 5 children and the rest were boys. she would say it was like having 4 fathers. My Granny Annie remained a widow the rest of her life. She lost her husband at the age of 33. So I know where my mother's qualities came from.
Her dream to come to America and live a life better than what she had in Scotland was acheived. I too was born in Scotland, I was 6 months old when she brought me over. Now and then I think about what my life would have been like had we stayed over there. Either way there's no doubt in my mind that all the qualities that I have in me I had gotten from her. I want her to know that even though she is not here anymore there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about her. There isn't a day that goes by that I'm not grateful that she was my mother and there isn't a day that goes by that I wonder if I'm being a good mother to my own children.
So on this Mothers Day what I would like to do is to enjoy the company of my family. Perhaps take a nice long walk in Downtown Frederick and share a nice meal together. Life is way too short and I don't want to miss any of it.
Take the time to honor your Mom this Mothers Day. If you have young children, help them honor their Mom too.
To my mother... Ma, I love you... Happy Mothers Day!
